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Whatever...

Post by Mr. Mysterious on Mon Oct 08, 2018 3:32 am

Good morning or whatever it is.. Not sure what I came here for anyway but let me say something. I guess everyone should see. Most wont care Idk...heh....

Tired of everything.. reeeeeeeeeeeee....
The only thing that kept me alive were games,anime,this forum, and the so called hope that Ill be saved (my ass). I wouldnt say any of this **** were I not trapped in this piece of a **** country (I would of better been born in Africa or some ****). God dammit, I wouldnt say it if I had a normal family (Im technically the smartest here, but Im also retarded since I got lots of mentalities from them, plus born with traumas that were transferred from my mum). Apply this **** with being poor till year 10 (still I am its just that we can afford now to ******* eat and for school and survival ****, no one has or will have a pension yaaaaay) when I started to learn that the freaking world is huge. Was always left behind with everything, didnt know basic **** and still dont know many stuff. (I used to get bullied for that crap). I wouldnt even say this would I had a happy family that doesnt argue every ******* day for stupid reasons (they behave almost like kids , yeah mom had lots of opportunities to divorce (been telling her many times cuz even she suffered here(never been loved ,**** ,because she technically escaped from her own family which traumatized her and she fucked herself up more than before, then she had to give birth  to this **** here yaaay :3 ). Apply that with the war **** that traumatized her whole family for years ( yay who wouldnt be after seeing her father being blown to pieces (suicide) in front of her with me in her belly reeeeeeeeeeee) .

Im sorry for saying this but I had to, but Idk wish I could help myself. And also this country where getting a ******* job is hard and when you get one you technically dont even get enough to pay a freaking rent damn it (Ive seen it). Thats why lots of people get out of here.Even I want to, but how am I when if in order to get out you need money (I have enough to get out right now, but where to live - on the ******* streets,eating **** nope, so yeah better suffer here either way). Tho yeah, I can find someone to adopt me, but the friends here I have cant and dont want to so yeah **** that. There is school, but still even after finishing it, its still the same (because the system here is retarded). Luck is what we need here. Or a ******* miracle. Yeah sure Im gonna search for the damn adoption stuff (but outside this shithole, if I dont get a job or something idk.)

Kek Ive been holding **** for like 13+ years (yeah I was showing sometimes happiness but it was all just a fraud- a ****).
And now my feelings are inbalanced. I am laughing here a little while typing this, but my fukcing heart hurts like ****. My personality saved me from showing feelings, but I wish it didnt. IDK even how am I feeling anymore tho. Yesterday while taking a bootleg bath I couldnt control ****, I was laughing for a second, then anger then this then suicide then.....reeeeeeeeeeeee..

So yeah, if I dont at least get one of the **** (good job, getting out, miracle, luck, then why ******* live. Someone out there is waiting to be born so I could help him or her by killing myself. ). Technically If I dont I would just waste time.
Plus my stupid religion (if only I was a christian). I was tricked-  believe in this so called entity  and youll be saved (my ass).
My friends just tell me to like do something about it like what. They dont know how to be born like this ****. They are all talk and no ones takes any action.(**** that) . They all think Im like weak bruuh wtf I waay stronger than them with this sorta ****.

So yeah cant take this **** anymore. I wont suicide myself, Ill live on FOR NOW..... but if everything stays the same **** it then....
Also if the opportunity comes Ill use it to kill myself. (for example some gunner comes and yeah Id just run into him saying save me and you get the rest..)

I also wasted childhood with **** like this. I have finally found out what I truly love and want but yeaah **** it now when youre stuck in this ****.
The worst thing is when I hear someone saying Im depressed because I dont have a gf, a car or whatever. FUUUUCK YOUU. (If you have a ******* family,can eat more than 2 times a day, and are living like an average man without  worrying about **** like me you passed the damn life test. The rest just comes or goes.)

Sorry again reeeeeeeeeeeeeee.   This country can just disappear ,cuz it hasnt got any value anyway .

Manga Style Ashamed Manga Style Ashamed

EDIT 1: Forgot to say that I live in a very small house (you could say its like an apartment), and me not having my own room, being an introvert having to listen to ******** everyday and never getting any privacy at all (like what is privacy really I dont understand I cant even take a **** without anyone coming inside and doing their **** too). Introverts need privacy so without this Im technically insane IDK how I am alive anyway reeeeeeeeeee....

EDIT 2: But the worst is yet to come............


Last edited by Mr. Mysterious on Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:27 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : reeeeeeeeeee..)

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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:24 pm

Moved to rants section

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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:59 pm

I know how you feel, and i feel really sorry what you have to go through, but I myself am going to anxiety and depression. Every ******* day i just want to put a gun to my head and just blow it, it's like i'm on a leash. I can't take it anymore. I tried everything, from medication to ******* smoking cigarettes, and now on my way to drinking (if it gets any better), i'm just not the same as I used to be. I'm currently quitting smoking and am getting my first vape around tomorrow or 2 days.

Back in 2011 when this forum was alive, was during the time when I was happy, but when 2014 rolled around, it got worse and ******* worse. I just want it to end, I want the ******* pain to end man. I could be the richest ************ in the world, but this anxiety curse, it hurts! You don't know what its like to wake up, so ******* anxious and depressed, DE-*******-PRESSED!!!

I'm on the same boat as you, I suffer from social anxiety, i'm afraid of uploading new videos because I might accidentally become popular on youtube, and it leads to humiliation from trolls. I don't know how to talk to people, i suck at conversations, I have TERRIBLE comprehension, and I feel like i'm an autistic retard (no offense). I'm bad at following instructions and rely on others to do their bidding for me. I want to cry everyday, but at the same time I try not too, but I just want it to stop. But everyday, it's like being imprisoned. I feel like a ******* prisoner to my mental issues. I have been cursed with this disease since late 2014, and still going.

I want to ******* die but at the same time I don't. This world is getting worse, from political fights everyday on the ******* news, when I was around my age, this **** rarely ******* happened, but now I can't go one minute without seeing something ******* political on the news, it's ********. I recently got back into nintendo, and nintendo seems the be the only reason why i'm ******* sane and alive on this planet, if I never grew up with nintendo, i probably would've killed myself.

I'm jealous of everyone around me, that they get to be ******* happy and ****, and it makes me so ******* envious. I would rather be in the shoes of a wounded soldier than to have this anxiety, I would even donate my ******* organs if that's what it takes to get rid of this curse. I would rather have anything than to be on a ******* leash. I can't take it anymore, I just want it to stop, I just want it to end and everyday i'm on the verge of hanging myself. Don't take this as a suicide note, but it's just a warning.

If even alcohol can't take away the pain then i'm fucked... **** anxiety, if it was a person, I would ******* crucify it. I have been holding this in and have kept this a secret from you for a while, but here I am. This is my true color, this is the pain that has represented me as a human being for 4 years and going on, I want to cry and I want to die. I feel like I am fake and have no ******* friends. But everyone else can hold a conversation with each other, but whenever I start a conversation they treat me like a ******* child. I'm 18 years old, an adult just like you, but I still feel like a ******* child. I'm tired of my life, I have no interest in a girlfriend and do plan on being single all my life, because I don't want to be a miserable ******* parent and have a descendant of me make my life even more hell than what it actually is.

My anxiety ruined everything, it has taken away my freedom, it has taken away my dreams, it has taken away my passion for what I ******* love, and has blessed me a depression galore!

I can't take this world anymore. I feel like all my friends abandoned me, and I'm sorry for abandoning you! My anxiety has kept me shy and from talking to you, but if only my anxiety was gone, I would spend my time with you, but all my other old friends are gone. Do you remember rommel? He was a good friend of mine and played an important role on this forum, but he left me. Abandoned me! Just like all the others! We haven't spoken to each other in 4 years. Remember that guy named Robert, he left me. Never responded.

I want to kill myself, but I grew up religious and I don't want to go to hell. So I find things that make me happy, but i'm slowly running out of those resources. Do you understand! I'm running out of them, they're all slowly burning away from my soul! I want to rest in peace, but i'm afraid of the afterlife, why can't I just die dammit! Why can't I just die in peace, like I was never born. Why do I have to go through an eternity of even more suffering!? I'm already suffering, why do I have to go through it even more, if that's the case... Than i'm already in hell, this world is just the first stage of it.

My OCD controls me, which is a gift my anxiety and is it's right hand man. He plays a keyrole into my life, slowly eating away at my sanity. But I have no sanity, i'm am nothing but a void. I'm going crazy. The medication has left me, has left me to suffer, they didn't do ******* ****!

To quote Kaz from Metal Gear...

Kaz wrote:Why are we still here? Just to suffer?

EDIT: I want to put a gun in my mouth and ******* end it. End my suffering. Why did god put me on this planet just to suffer?

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Re: Whatever...

Post by Mr. Mysterious on Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:35 am

Hey man I really understand the stupid depression and anxiety. Like I said I had it too.But, I somehow got rid of them some months ago, tho the methods were like not 100% effective, cuz I still feel there are some of it left. I want to help you somehow, but I cant even help myself.
Im a physically weak person, and now Im getting weak mentally and spiritually and Im ******* scared. Right now my face expression is indifferent (like this Neutral somehow) because I ******* taught myself how to hide the ******* pain and ****. But, this was a mistake, I ruined myself with it. The only way I can help myself if someone helps me get out of here and like takes me in like his own family so that way I can start a different life.
I have a codependency dysfunctional personality. Im sure you heard of it. Technically you cant do almost everything without relying on someone. Sometimes you can control it, but now its going insane. The worst thing is if you rely on someone that already goes through lots of **** and cant even help himslef ,herself ( like I did partly me here),
then you **** your ******* life more.

I know how it is when friends abandon you m8. I really wanted to talk to you back then even when I had depression and anxiety. You saw yourself that I was really desperate.
But trust me (this is from personal experience) Id rather have none or a select few as friends that I really can talk to (ex. like you here) than to have the damn fake friends who dont wanna help you. These so called friends from high school ,90% of them were like hang in there and stop complaing *****. Like wtf? Words mean nothing to me. They dont know it feels to be this miserable. They never tried to help me ,they all either frightened me or just pissed me off. (enough of these friends crap, just typing this makes me ****).
The only ones that really understands me are foreigner friends including you (since most of them had some kind of problems).

About the dream ruining thing. I feel ya there m8 . I had lots of dreams shredded because of my ******* state.

So hey, PLS I WANNA TALK TO YOU, Dont be afraid pls. (this is the internet, it aint the same as in person.)


SO HERE: Give me the name of any social media or whatever you have so that we can
chat .Also include your account. You could send me that in the messages here too. But pls, I can somehow help you. I wanna try at least PLSSSS. Even if I dont have the apps Ill install them plsss,


(I hope you understood this, because Im exhausted, Im mental and its hard for me to think these days, even for one damn sentence aaaa)




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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Sun Oct 28, 2018 5:27 pm

Mr. Mysterious wrote:Hey man I really understand the stupid depression and anxiety. Like I said I had it too.But, I somehow got rid of them some months ago, tho the methods were like not 100% effective, cuz I still feel there are some of it left. I want to help you somehow, but I cant even help myself.
Im a physically weak person, and now Im getting weak mentally and spiritually  and Im ******* scared. Right now my face expression is indifferent (like this Neutral  somehow)  because I ******* taught myself how to hide the ******* pain and ****. But, this was a mistake, I ruined myself with it. The only way I can help myself if someone helps me get out of here and like takes me in like his own family so that way I can start a different life.
I have a codependency dysfunctional personality. Im sure you heard of it. Technically you cant do almost everything without relying on someone. Sometimes you can control it, but now its going insane. The worst thing is if you rely on someone that already goes through lots of **** and cant even help himslef ,herself ( like I did partly me here),
then you **** your ******* life more.

I know  how it is when friends abandon you m8. I really wanted to talk to you back then even when I had depression and anxiety. You saw yourself that I was really desperate.
But trust me (this is from personal experience) Id rather have none or a select few as friends that I really can talk to (ex. like you here)  than to have the damn fake friends who dont wanna help you.  These so called friends from  high school ,90% of them were like hang in there and stop complaing *****. Like wtf? Words mean nothing to me. They dont know it feels to be this miserable. They never tried to help me ,they all either frightened me or just pissed me off. (enough of these friends crap, just typing this makes me ****).
The only ones that really understands me are foreigner friends including you (since most of them had some kind of problems).

About the dream ruining thing. I feel ya there m8 . I had lots of dreams shredded because of my ******* state.

So hey, PLS I WANNA TALK TO YOU, Dont be afraid pls. (this is the internet, it aint the same as in person.)


SO HERE: Give me the name of any social media or whatever  you have so that we can  
chat .Also include your account. You could send me that in the messages here too. But pls, I can somehow help you. I wanna try at least PLSSSS. Even if I dont have the apps Ill install them plsss,


(I hope you understood this, because Im exhausted, Im mental and its hard for me to think these days, even for one damn sentence aaaa)



 

If you have a steam account, you can add me as a friend. It's in my signature, we can chat through the steam chat forum, and please don't kill me but I have to go to work tomorrow, so after 4 PM (central time), let me know when you're ready (also i'm studying for college as well). When you open steam, click on the "Friends & Chat" button on the bottom right hand corner of the program, and my name should pop up in the chatbox after adding me as a friend.

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Re: Whatever...

Post by Mr. Mysterious on Sun Nov 04, 2018 5:03 am

If you haven't spent at least five dollars (or added five dollars to your Steam account balance), you can't add friends.

Welp, ****, just ******* perfect. . I dont have a damn debit card or any sort of crap in order to do this. So what now?

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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Sun Nov 04, 2018 3:27 pm

Good news! I found out that I can add you as a friend, but you can't add me. Tell me your username and i'll add you, that seems to be the only way!

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Re: Whatever...

Post by Mr. Mysterious on Mon Nov 05, 2018 3:38 pm

jesus77755 wrote:Good news! I found out that I can add you as a friend, but you can't add me. Tell me your username and i'll add you, that seems to be the only way!

mr_mysterious10

There :3 meow

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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:11 pm

There are no users that match your search

It's not showing up.

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Re: Whatever...

Post by Mr. Mysterious on Tue Nov 06, 2018 4:34 pm

jesus77755 wrote:There are no users that match your search

It's not showing up.

Oops, my bad. Thats the account name.

This is what the friends would see.

mister_mysterious476

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Re: Whatever...

Post by jesus77755 on Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:37 pm

Mr. Mysterious wrote:
jesus77755 wrote:There are no users that match your search

It's not showing up.

Oops, my bad. Thats the account name.

This is what the friends would see.

mister_mysterious476

Okay, a friend request has been sent!

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Re: Whatever...

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